Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize