He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just forgot I was standing up.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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