Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
