I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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