my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
