i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
