this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
