I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize