You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
