It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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