I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
