hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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