I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
