im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
try to milk me bitch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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