i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
