everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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