John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
