Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
a search helicopter?!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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