I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
