Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
