So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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