Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
