I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
