Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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