Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
