There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
