i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
