i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
