New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
