this boner is exhausting
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
