I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
