Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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