Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
