Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I die, sorry about rent.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
