i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it's like iHOP with fire
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
