STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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