I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize