Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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