Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
