I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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