Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
