Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As shirtless as possible
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
