So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Too much gin, very little bucket
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
