You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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