my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
