my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
