Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
