Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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