i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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