I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
