I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Michael Bay diarrhea
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
