Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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