Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
