Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
