I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
