he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
