I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
