I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just forgot I was standing up.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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