I need help removing her.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The adults are the big ones right?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
