Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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