Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
