a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
