If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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