It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
