Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's blow job season.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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