her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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