first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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