After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
