I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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