Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
