you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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