Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
