Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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