K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish I could punch you in the face.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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