bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
