we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found puke in my bra..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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